I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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