if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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