so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
