she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
