just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
