We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
