Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
