dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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