Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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