You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
