That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
