Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
