She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
