Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
