You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
