Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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