what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
