mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I came so hard my ears popped.
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