she was so not down for the gang bang
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
