i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
