Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
