so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
