he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
