Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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