Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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