and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
