it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
