remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
