After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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