I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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