I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
