Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
