all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
