i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
