Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
