piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
