Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
