she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
