Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
