Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
