So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
