Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
