i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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