i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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