Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
