If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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