maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
