When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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