i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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