please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
