Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
