i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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