Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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