What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
