I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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