you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
