grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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