i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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